What do I wish for
What do I want
Some golden memories
That still do haunt
Make me want to look back
On all the things past
The good and the bitter
All things gained, some lost
What is it that drives me
That makes me strive for more
Is it the feeling that I have to
Run till my legs are sore?
Or is it just the instinct
To continue to live
No matter how, no matter what
Take a lot, but a little to give
Some questions unanswered
Till I probably grow old
By when I think I'll surely know
What's worth more than Gold...
- Gaggy
Thursday, 26 August 2010
Friday, 23 July 2010
The Window
A car passing by, two lovers walking hand in hand, a cyclist ringing his bell and an ambulance stopping briefly around the corner... these are a few of the things I saw from my window the other day. I am not sure how many of these people observed that my window curtains were open.
Surely the person driving the car was concentrating on the next turn to take, possibly making his way to work on a late day. May be he overslept, or did not remember to wind up his alarm clock, or may be he does not use a winding clock (who does nowadays?) but forgot to charge his precious mobile phone. May be he is too worried about the next big project his colleague might wind up getting if he does not impress his boss soon enough, and this is definitely not the right way to go about it... He has his own thousand things to worry about, so why would he look at me at all? Silly me.
The two lovers were so engrossed in each others eyes that they almost walked into the telephone pole in front of them. I am not sure if they would have noticed the car screeching hard to come to a halt right around the corner. So there is not a chance that they would have observed me behind my window right by the pavement they were walking.
Is it divine intervention that one of them dropped something and bent to pick up, while the other observed the car zipping towards them with the tyres screaming loudly in protest of the road's friction? The girl just pulled the guy off the path just in time, and I could see the initial amazement, then the onset of fear and relief on his face, just as I saw pure fear in the driver's, as he drove towards me.
I do not know what made me just sit there, with my eyes wide open, looking between the headlights, the horror-struck driver's face and the relieved girl; but the next thing I remember is a thud and blackness. I guess the ambulance was a bit too late, for though I thought I fell to the ground and felt a sharp pain, I was at the next moment sitting at my window, looking outside onto the pavement.
Quite a lot of people had gathered around by now, and I did not understand in the beginning why they were not looking at me, but somewhere 2 feet below. I thought the initial daze of being hit by a car had left my hearing temporarily disabled, but I could not shake it out of me, because for some reason I could not shake at all.
By the time I did understand, there was a person sitting beside me, watching without speaking, a similar confused look at his face. I was not sure if I could talk myself, probably because I was not sure I could describe the situation to myself. So, we just sat there in silence, aware of each other's company, until all the people left, and removed the car from the wall, and built another wall, and a new window came in place, and a lot of people walked by, and drove by, and stopped by.
They still do.
- Gaggy
Surely the person driving the car was concentrating on the next turn to take, possibly making his way to work on a late day. May be he overslept, or did not remember to wind up his alarm clock, or may be he does not use a winding clock (who does nowadays?) but forgot to charge his precious mobile phone. May be he is too worried about the next big project his colleague might wind up getting if he does not impress his boss soon enough, and this is definitely not the right way to go about it... He has his own thousand things to worry about, so why would he look at me at all? Silly me.
The two lovers were so engrossed in each others eyes that they almost walked into the telephone pole in front of them. I am not sure if they would have noticed the car screeching hard to come to a halt right around the corner. So there is not a chance that they would have observed me behind my window right by the pavement they were walking.
Is it divine intervention that one of them dropped something and bent to pick up, while the other observed the car zipping towards them with the tyres screaming loudly in protest of the road's friction? The girl just pulled the guy off the path just in time, and I could see the initial amazement, then the onset of fear and relief on his face, just as I saw pure fear in the driver's, as he drove towards me.
I do not know what made me just sit there, with my eyes wide open, looking between the headlights, the horror-struck driver's face and the relieved girl; but the next thing I remember is a thud and blackness. I guess the ambulance was a bit too late, for though I thought I fell to the ground and felt a sharp pain, I was at the next moment sitting at my window, looking outside onto the pavement.
Quite a lot of people had gathered around by now, and I did not understand in the beginning why they were not looking at me, but somewhere 2 feet below. I thought the initial daze of being hit by a car had left my hearing temporarily disabled, but I could not shake it out of me, because for some reason I could not shake at all.
By the time I did understand, there was a person sitting beside me, watching without speaking, a similar confused look at his face. I was not sure if I could talk myself, probably because I was not sure I could describe the situation to myself. So, we just sat there in silence, aware of each other's company, until all the people left, and removed the car from the wall, and built another wall, and a new window came in place, and a lot of people walked by, and drove by, and stopped by.
They still do.
- Gaggy
Why am I the way I am...
Stupid, innocent, knowing much but knowing nothing, playful but arrogantly rude, serious but not taken so, turning any conversation to an end by raising a serious issue, adjusting, inflexible, not taking things seriously at all...
I think if anyone was given a choice to change one thing about them, they would come up with a huge list like me... but if I do really change any of the attributes that I list, will I still be left with me? Or would I change to something which I was never expecting to be in the first place?
Wish I had answers for just a few simple questions I recurrently have, but I guess the answer is to be searched within myself. I am not sure if I am ready to undertake such a journey at this point in my life, but will I be lucky enough to begin and continue that journey? Only time can tell...
- Gaggy
I think if anyone was given a choice to change one thing about them, they would come up with a huge list like me... but if I do really change any of the attributes that I list, will I still be left with me? Or would I change to something which I was never expecting to be in the first place?
Wish I had answers for just a few simple questions I recurrently have, but I guess the answer is to be searched within myself. I am not sure if I am ready to undertake such a journey at this point in my life, but will I be lucky enough to begin and continue that journey? Only time can tell...
- Gaggy
Thursday, 24 June 2010
Outside on the porch...
... or whatever space there is between the door and the footpath!
It has been a pleasant week, with the UK's longest day this week (21st June), no rain, not much wind... How I wish Bristol remain the same throughout the year!
Anyways, just finished a good session at the gym and relaxing outside in the nice weather, so nice to sit and think of nothing for a while. Feels good to remember I can still do it... the last I remember doing nothing is during the Semester Internals at college ;)
Coldplay singing 'You Are...' on my iPod, house mate preparing dinner inside, me sitting and doing nothing while my hunger grows humungously within my tummy... one of the better feelings I have had; that too after a hard day at work to make it more in contrast to the earlier part of the day...
I can keep blabbering, but I think I ought to call it a post now...
Until the next time I feel like writing then...
- Gaggy
It has been a pleasant week, with the UK's longest day this week (21st June), no rain, not much wind... How I wish Bristol remain the same throughout the year!
Anyways, just finished a good session at the gym and relaxing outside in the nice weather, so nice to sit and think of nothing for a while. Feels good to remember I can still do it... the last I remember doing nothing is during the Semester Internals at college ;)
Coldplay singing 'You Are...' on my iPod, house mate preparing dinner inside, me sitting and doing nothing while my hunger grows humungously within my tummy... one of the better feelings I have had; that too after a hard day at work to make it more in contrast to the earlier part of the day...
I can keep blabbering, but I think I ought to call it a post now...
Until the next time I feel like writing then...
- Gaggy
Friday, 18 June 2010
Back in Feb 2010...
Me and my friend Sridhar have a habit of churning out with creative work sometimes on the back of a thought... here is such a conversation...
I quote:
"Every achiever I have ever met says, 'My life turned around when I began to believe in me.' " - Robert Schuller
Reply from Sri:
At times we wonder, what is the purpose of our lives?
Why we are here? What should our life achieve?
Why few people are referred as ‘Great’?
Who told them their purpose of Life?
Then we try to search the purpose of our existence.
And in some time, we give up.
We tell ourselves, “I am here just to live!”
No human is ever born with an objective.
One needs to define the purpose of life.
(Just beautiful, isn't it?)
To which I reply:
We believe in doing something great and appearing like heroes,
That is the basic drive I guess, to stand out of the normal crowd
And do something so stunning, so fitting to ourselves
Most lose focus, and resign with the thought, "What would I get if I do this"
If the drive is strong enough for you to give your all,
Stand tall and strong in front of huge gales of wind and high tides of seas,
Yes, you would be worn out at times, but still
If you stick through till the end, you will find that satisfaction
At your death bed, you will be smiling,
Wherever you are, whatever you are, and however you are,
That you did something in your life, that you defined something for yourself
And stuck by it till that day
And that, my friend, is heaven and nothing else
The other man in hell is the one who lied to himself
The one who cheated, the one who stepped on others
To gain some worldly possessions, he cheated himself
He said again and again that is not bad, what he did
He just needed to do it since he had to come forward
And he, little by little, kills his conscience
And descends so low that it becomes too late
To recuperate from the wrongs he has done
He goes off chasing butterflies, he donates to charities
He becomes an evangelist, a humanitarian to absolve
On doing good to one to strike off a bad done to another
But imagine such joy it would be
If you never did wrong a single soul
The happiness you would get at all the times
The peace and content in your heart
I believe if this thought sits deep within
And becomes the foundation of the basic principles
I believe, my friend, that Earth itself
Will become Heaven, a haven for all of life...
Well, that's how we poets create our work :o)
- Gaggy
I quote:
"Every achiever I have ever met says, 'My life turned around when I began to believe in me.' " - Robert Schuller
Reply from Sri:
At times we wonder, what is the purpose of our lives?
Why we are here? What should our life achieve?
Why few people are referred as ‘Great’?
Who told them their purpose of Life?
Then we try to search the purpose of our existence.
And in some time, we give up.
We tell ourselves, “I am here just to live!”
No human is ever born with an objective.
One needs to define the purpose of life.
(Just beautiful, isn't it?)
To which I reply:
We believe in doing something great and appearing like heroes,
That is the basic drive I guess, to stand out of the normal crowd
And do something so stunning, so fitting to ourselves
Most lose focus, and resign with the thought, "What would I get if I do this"
If the drive is strong enough for you to give your all,
Stand tall and strong in front of huge gales of wind and high tides of seas,
Yes, you would be worn out at times, but still
If you stick through till the end, you will find that satisfaction
At your death bed, you will be smiling,
Wherever you are, whatever you are, and however you are,
That you did something in your life, that you defined something for yourself
And stuck by it till that day
And that, my friend, is heaven and nothing else
The other man in hell is the one who lied to himself
The one who cheated, the one who stepped on others
To gain some worldly possessions, he cheated himself
He said again and again that is not bad, what he did
He just needed to do it since he had to come forward
And he, little by little, kills his conscience
And descends so low that it becomes too late
To recuperate from the wrongs he has done
He goes off chasing butterflies, he donates to charities
He becomes an evangelist, a humanitarian to absolve
On doing good to one to strike off a bad done to another
But imagine such joy it would be
If you never did wrong a single soul
The happiness you would get at all the times
The peace and content in your heart
I believe if this thought sits deep within
And becomes the foundation of the basic principles
I believe, my friend, that Earth itself
Will become Heaven, a haven for all of life...
Well, that's how we poets create our work :o)
- Gaggy
Monday, 14 June 2010
Love...?
Read something about Love somewhere... is there a chance of misusing Love? What is Love? Is it a feeling of attraction, sympathy, authority, jealousy, affection, craving or something else?
If it was one of these, then why invent these words at all? There is a specific distinguished emotion somewhere that is called by this word. May be some find it very early in their life, some never; but I believe it is a part of every one's life, and just as any other emotion, just waits on our beck and call to emerge and complete us with an overwhelming satisfaction.
If it was one of these, then why invent these words at all? There is a specific distinguished emotion somewhere that is called by this word. May be some find it very early in their life, some never; but I believe it is a part of every one's life, and just as any other emotion, just waits on our beck and call to emerge and complete us with an overwhelming satisfaction.
Seven Days After...
I had left India on the morning of Tuesday 8th, back to " कर्मभूमि ", the land of work. First three days was a stone thrown to the head and reality kicks back hardest. Nah, nothing like that; it was as if I knew this void would be there, so I shunted myself somehow during the 15 days I spent back home...
Now to think of it, I was missing here when I was there, and I am constantly missing there when I am here...
This mind is so volatile: Back, no stay, no back for better, no stay a while for best... time oscillating between energetic spells and couch potato weekends; striving to get somewhere other than here, some time other than now...
Drifting like air from place to place,
Pace is so slow I am not sure about the race,
Eyes are drifting away from focus
Surprisingly not feeling any pain
Just being curious about stability
When will my mind get some peace
Why this agitation of a constant nature
Who is that holding the stick and moving the water
Tranquility for sure is not constant
You're sure to feel it for an instant
Then you get back to the constant search
Trying to find the source of mirth
Then again, why do we seek
That which cannot be found, that which is meek
Stay a while and be patient
For time will give when most in need
So I sit and wait, ah so raring
I want it right away, but I know I won't have it
Wait for a while, and count the moments
That you surrender for the ultimate splendour...
I can go on with these stupid lines which may not make sense to me tomorrow morning, but I am a poet, it is not supposed to make sense at any other time than now
Hoping for better inspirations next time...
Gaggy
Now to think of it, I was missing here when I was there, and I am constantly missing there when I am here...
This mind is so volatile: Back, no stay, no back for better, no stay a while for best... time oscillating between energetic spells and couch potato weekends; striving to get somewhere other than here, some time other than now...
Drifting like air from place to place,
Pace is so slow I am not sure about the race,
Eyes are drifting away from focus
Surprisingly not feeling any pain
Just being curious about stability
When will my mind get some peace
Why this agitation of a constant nature
Who is that holding the stick and moving the water
Tranquility for sure is not constant
You're sure to feel it for an instant
Then you get back to the constant search
Trying to find the source of mirth
Then again, why do we seek
That which cannot be found, that which is meek
Stay a while and be patient
For time will give when most in need
So I sit and wait, ah so raring
I want it right away, but I know I won't have it
Wait for a while, and count the moments
That you surrender for the ultimate splendour...
I can go on with these stupid lines which may not make sense to me tomorrow morning, but I am a poet, it is not supposed to make sense at any other time than now
Hoping for better inspirations next time...
Gaggy
Sunday, 6 June 2010
Sister's birthday!
My sweet sister's birthday yesterday... gave her a small surprise party at home! She was really impressed, given my nature of no surprises and no secrets with family.
Had it all arranged: Ordered for a cake online on Friday morning (which I tell you is not the best way of ordering cake in India.. It's way too expensive, delivery details are not properly maintained, and the cake did not have my sister's name mentioned on it even though I mentioned it at the website's 'Special Note' section; but I digress); messaged all her friends in her phone contact list; schemed to take her out to temple visits while there were preparations done at home. All paid off (although one of her idiotic friends called her up in the morning and asked her about the secret surprise party she was to have in the evening. He will have a nasty surprise the day I meet him; but I digress again): she was pleasantly surprised when a few of her friends screamed "Happy Birthday!!" when we came back.
All said and done, given how cunning my sister is, I am really proud of myself for accomplishing such an arduous task involving great level of self restraint - not letting out a secret!! Mission accomplished!!!
By the way, she's very happy with her birthday gift, still has to get a hang of how to manage the messages though..
Had it all arranged: Ordered for a cake online on Friday morning (which I tell you is not the best way of ordering cake in India.. It's way too expensive, delivery details are not properly maintained, and the cake did not have my sister's name mentioned on it even though I mentioned it at the website's 'Special Note' section; but I digress); messaged all her friends in her phone contact list; schemed to take her out to temple visits while there were preparations done at home. All paid off (although one of her idiotic friends called her up in the morning and asked her about the secret surprise party she was to have in the evening. He will have a nasty surprise the day I meet him; but I digress again): she was pleasantly surprised when a few of her friends screamed "Happy Birthday!!" when we came back.
All said and done, given how cunning my sister is, I am really proud of myself for accomplishing such an arduous task involving great level of self restraint - not letting out a secret!! Mission accomplished!!!
By the way, she's very happy with her birthday gift, still has to get a hang of how to manage the messages though..
Sunday, 30 May 2010
Hmm... a new start?
Thought a lot (about 15 seconds) about deleting all my old posts (nearing double digits) and creating new posts with a breath of fresh air... so here it goes! My first new post after almost two years!!
I cannot promise to keep this trend of putting across new posts every now and then, but then again, there should be a repository of all my work somewhere... Who knows who might put their eyes upon my humble blog and get inspired to do something... Just kidding!! (Or am I?)
I am writing this right after watching the fantastic end to the 'Lost' Series... Though I should admit I particularly hated the 3rd and 4th seasons, the core theme of the story was still very intriguing enough for me to follow up and eventually complete the entire series. As Terry O'Quinn (actor who played 'John Locke') said in the interview aired before the airing of the final episode, completing the series is a feeling similar to completing a great book: you just keep it aside and take a deep contented breath.
Next in the to do list is to start learning Spanish (again) and this time, sticking till the end
More to come, hopefully...
- Gaggy
I cannot promise to keep this trend of putting across new posts every now and then, but then again, there should be a repository of all my work somewhere... Who knows who might put their eyes upon my humble blog and get inspired to do something... Just kidding!! (Or am I?)
I am writing this right after watching the fantastic end to the 'Lost' Series... Though I should admit I particularly hated the 3rd and 4th seasons, the core theme of the story was still very intriguing enough for me to follow up and eventually complete the entire series. As Terry O'Quinn (actor who played 'John Locke') said in the interview aired before the airing of the final episode, completing the series is a feeling similar to completing a great book: you just keep it aside and take a deep contented breath.
Next in the to do list is to start learning Spanish (again) and this time, sticking till the end
More to come, hopefully...
- Gaggy
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